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December 5th, 2005

08:57 am

New Lj... friends only






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06:13 am

Lame poem doom Collapse )

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06:07 am
This is a song we wrote in the living room,
fuck eminem we're writing a living room song,.
Barette doesn't know the meaning of no and stop,
as he rolls of the bed and gets eaten by the..
meow bitch,
oh fuck you grundge ain't dead.,
do you know the pain of your left breast growing,
as he wakes up at five am,
and walks around town,
i'm that bitch in vinyl,
Apple's that bitch in vinyl.
as they have their phone sex calls,
he was under his bed for 11 hours,
you're a disgrace to this family Tito,
so jenny tell us about your first blow job,
the air stinks with the smell of burning lust.
i felt fearful for my life,
pushes video over,
an ice cream cone,
i miss him as she takes the pen,
i can't imagine it with the dress and all.
everyone stay cool,
who's this?
spanky the wonder fag.
something special for the kids,
yeah Tori break dance,
stop spitting on people,
quiet the fuck down.
bleeding from the face,
my fucking ovaries,
watch out for our magical ovaries,
they're all whores.
as emo boys pants' illuminates,
as the strawberry's mind explodes with the thoughts of
le zombie boy,
as the apples brain explodes with thoughts of a pretty flower.
as watermellon's explodes with the thoughts of cynders.
oh no you're fucked now.
your face,
what's your terminal defect.
ah squish,
the salon movie has us in the background,
you think a bitch could take a hint,
we like transfusions of vodka to the skin,
woah back off the koolaid,
don't call the police don't do it.
this is the song that three of the beatles made,
in the living room,
bitch where are the fucking keys,

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December 2nd, 2005

01:15 am

Zombie outfit is almost done...
I just need white lace gloves, white face paint, and something for my hair.
I'm not sure about Daniel left message on his answeirng machine.. O.o
Kelli's so excited its cute <3
cant wait to see Lily
I dont know when I'm mailing parry's gift and letter -__- funds needed

Ugg.. poemsCollapse )

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December 1st, 2005

04:40 am
I'm in love, & for once he loves me back..




<3 my relationship thingy


I'm too busy

Friday I'm mailing Parry's presant and letter... Ugg... Looks at the word doc. that would be a letter if it was finished -___-

Saterday I'm going thrift shoping

Sunday I'm dressing up as a zombie as is Daniel were going to broadway and going on a pultonic Zombie date with him... Kelli is going to follow us around with a camera and a pretty boy fellow Jamey, and we are going to harass Lily <3

and most my night consist of my lovely Jaden <3

gah need time to breath.. but I dont have any

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November 29th, 2005

02:12 am
The world likes to spin about the oddest infraction
and I wonder how many bullets it would take to drownd
in my alcoholic costume, I'm a dancing teen.
My brains is swimming, drugged for free.
I can feel under my pain.
The words reverberate what I dont want you to say.
The inner space holds on to my lack of memory.
I know I should be thinking about something, but I cant remember its sound in reality.
I'm numbed and my bruises arnt real, my blood looks a little bit too black and dead
and I wonder if if I can really feel my skin pulling away from me.
If this was a different time, a different place
I'd remember what to say again, I'd pull you into my reailty
My beautiful amnesia
If I could remember your name. I cant remeber your face.
This is such a weird experianxce, I know the words you said, feel the pain I had
but I dont know who you are, my world has fallen into this unvariabled emptied sleep.
I'm just so pleased
falling into my concrete cellar floor, this world is in a wonderful bliss
I think I can fly, feels like wings sprouting from my sholder blades, flutering in my slow motion stream
My skin feels like scales, and I dont remember breathing
this second is growing long out and theres no moving on
my claws creep outside my existence
the sex has sent me back into a new level of systematic contenttment
its spinning to new textures of feeling
I love to lie like a dog, dont pretend that I'm real
I'm plastic, with my painted skin
Right now I'm a god and I wont stop killing the people I need to forget
this is a new awareness of my substance
and I cant remember what you mean to me
I dont know I want you to be
but somehow I can feel some form of hate
I'm a phenomenon, this is my perceptibility
I've found a new clairity
Maybe you're just transparent
invisable like this substance has created
is there some truth to your complexity
but is this an imagination in my abuse
I'm going to convice my body not to remember this again
this is my unstable euphoria
tasted in my temporary paradise
and I'm ready for a goodnight
this is overly drugged simplicity

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02:11 am
Lying sprawled out on the floor; my hair's smothering me, like a green sea of silky dreams. Strands sticking to the damp pain flowing out of me. It’s so dark and the carpets so hard, the music's INFECTING me. I'm waiting for that phone call to have not happened. One of these days I'm going to write myself out of hell. I know it, I can feel it. I need a way out of myself and into you; I want you to feel this disease and burn in hell with my needs. Vibrations spreading underneath my skin, words in me, waves of what used to be so untruthful in my skin. Those, those are scars my friend, scars that I bled someone (somesickness) out with. The vibrations have spread to them, making them burn. You can't see them under (over) the happy life. Dancing in the dark isn’t standing its dying, which my friends happened to be my new form of floating away (high). The drums are hypnotizing on one fucked with beat weeding out what the words mean. Lets go into she said, she said that I'm just a shadow, do we have no color, refection, following, disappearing, trapped with no reason. My sense of reality was mixed up with the song; twisting together they made a subconscious whirl wind of lies. I'm beginning to love the lies like a table saw, cuts away at it till it’s the right size to build on. No meaning to the word angry, this is something (OneOfMany) with no name, raw hate and rigid loving factors mixing around in the acid like liquid that flows straight to the brain when I think about me.this.now.him.her.andor.everything. Transfusions of vodka to treat my symptoms, just to keep it all at bay. The vibrations are melting the skin off me. Melt into oblivion with me?


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November 20th, 2005

10:26 pm
I'm sorry but everyone needs to hear the words were just exchanged in my room

" Why are you looking at me like that, do you think me climbing through your window half naked is weird?" -Him

"No, I find it weird that your wearing a hot pink skirt and you have Mississippi written on your chest" -me

"If it makes you feel better I'm wearing womens underwear, smell like bananna's AND I'm not drunk" -Him

"I love you"-me

"Good cause Tina had the gay men over and they touched my no no spot. I need some good straight lovin" Him

"Are you wearing Tina's thong?" -me

"Umm.......*shifty eyes* I heard your sad.. how about a lap dance" -Him

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November 19th, 2005

06:31 pm
You'll never read this, you'll never know; I'm sorry I ever met you.

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November 18th, 2005

01:20 pm
I'm going to create a new world in my mind and live in it.

and YOU wont be in it.

so sorry

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09:13 am
I think everyone should be exposed to my favorite comedian.

"I always wondered if those WWJD bracelets worked, so I bought one the other day. Well, a few minutes later, I was on a plane and this little kid was kicking my seat repeatedly, while his sister sang along with her walkman and their mother just sat there. I almost turned around and went off, and then I caught sight of my bracelet. What WOULD Jesus do? So I lit them on fire and sent them all to Hell." Daniel Tosh

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November 15th, 2005

09:37 am
This is me begging
get out of me.
I'm sick fo thinking of you... constantly

I finally got it, you'll never understand.
Cause you think I'm doing this to you, you think I'm causeing You pain.
When its you causeing ME pain.



Two years of this shit is enough

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November 10th, 2005

07:00 am
I get to see my best friend since I was five [myfirstkiss] that I haven’t seen in three years in 2 hours. He’s been in Africa with his daddy [redcross]
I missed Jayjay SOO much.
He and I used to sit up at night and talk about fun ways to die.
It's been 2 years since I've heard his voice... with out static and longer then a few mins.
The last thing I remember of him was filling balloons with red paint and attacking each other and the yard.
Good I'm so happy that I've gone from hyper normal state to sedated lets giggle while we rip at the dead mode... because if I get any happier I will circle back around to sad.


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November 9th, 2005

10:45 pm
<3 shoes

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09:50 pm
there all coming back
all of them
i thought 2 years was long enought to keep the past away
everyone is finding me
and possibly the purest sweetest kindest love i ever had
looks good
and is doing good
and hes single

i love him still

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November 5th, 2005

04:44 am
I can’t help but think this song is just for us
Hearing it for the first time
Just for me and you
Prepare for bloody slip
Cause its screaming out about empty words
Lover wana help me slit my wrists
When I hear it now
I’m dancing with you
Cement cradling my brain
I’m holding you
I can feel your breath slipping across neck
Your hand gliding across the small of my back
I know its imaginary but I can’t help think how I want you
Breathing like a fire on the rise
Now I’m gaining confidence
Its close range to a dead line
The songs over and the world seems just that more bleak
Settle with me bleeding drastically
I’ve got an answer
For me?

I want them all to look at me, understand what they’ve never seen
This is the stabbing pain you got to believe in to see in the eyes of us dancing in dreams searching for reality. It’s nothing to us, when no one knows how we look at the eyes of those who never know the ones that are gone. Just me dreading sleep for the faces of the dead come to steal what I remember of being free. Maybe they don’t ever realize when they lie about the reality to the innocent minds of the one that can’t see. You only get so many second chances to tell them this but I’m bleeding out somehow. It’s some hidden pore but I can feel it deep, lazily seeping it all out. Reading this out loud in my own voice makes it powerful and deep, something to sink into and believe, like I what say means something. But all these word that swim out of me are nothing, maybe like insanity one day someone will find it all and stare in awe of the insanity that piles out so easily.
The only solution I see
Is scream.

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04:42 am
You'll never know
but I'm waiting for you

I have no chance
but I'm waiting

Somebody end this for me

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12:17 am
<3 "You make my brain foam at the spine"

to Jessiqua

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November 4th, 2005

01:44 am
Oh god I hate you for making me like this when everyones asleep. Making me wonder if your sneaking into my room tonight.

I'm sorry that I lied and said I loved you, I just didnt know what else to do.

HATE me god damn it.




I miss the way i looked across the room at him.
Please stop loving me?

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October 30th, 2005

07:30 pm
Deep down inside i think he makes me sick

i just havent felt it yet

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03:44 am
Daniel just brought me home... its 3:44 am... but really in my body clock its 4:44 am and we are ninjas

like whoa tonight was great

so great that i can bearly breathe from exaustion... and i smell like seattle air..

it has a smell

night folk....

jahoba <3s signs

.... more to come

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October 26th, 2005

06:15 am
i hate guys right now...
i really do...
grrrr.... males..
they fail... a lot

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06:13 am - bored
The Liberated Lover
68% partner focus, 71% aggressiveness, 85% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Liberated Lover.

The Liberated Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and forms the kind of free-thinking, sexually-exciting, self-confident lover that society once condemned but that a liberal-mind cherishes and exults. The Liberated Lover is a treasure to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they are often already engaged in relationships or are in high-demand if "in the market."

In terms of physical love, the Liberated Lover is possibly the most thrilling and demanding of all, with the one potential drawback being that it is possible to feel 'overmatched' at times by their prowess and selfless giving. Given trust and understanding, and the right lover, the Liberated Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Exotic Lover (most of all) or the Carnal Lover, or the Suave Lover.


If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:

Nerds, Geeks & Dorks

Professional Wrestling

Buffy the Vampire Slayer



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 76% on partner focus

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 86% on aggressiveness

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 94% on adventurousness
Link: The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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October 24th, 2005

03:25 am - yeah sooo
I've decided that my hair will soon be WHITE with green streaks.

I'm fasting to cleanse my body

Parry's mailing me some of his c.d.'s he’s made Djing... Sometimes that boy actually is a good friend, his usual self centered-ness went away for a bit and he tried to cheer me up about Dianna the best he could over the internet.
Oddly enough he did a pretty good job.

It’s only now that I realize I’ve given my address to a guy who told me he snuck into my room while Lily and I were sleeping, planted a bunch of stuff to remind me of him, then jacked off onto my green blanket...
*wonders if giving it to him was such a bright idea*
Well then again I did live 3 doors down (haha that’s a band) from him for 2-3 months and he didn’t kill me...
Though.. he did molest his roommates every time Lily and I walked by his door... to eh... "traumatize" us... haha... Yeah... Traumatize...

I really wish I had seen Dianna one last time...
She was sooo pretty...

I miss my friends.
Current Mood: blankblank

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October 23rd, 2005

01:03 am
Omg yes!
I need to tell everyone about the last hour or so

I was all sad and stuff you know
And Daniel came over to give me my boots around 11:45...
We were swinging on my swing set
And he was telling me about a kitten he saw when he got lost coming to my house and how he thought the church was my house
It was fun
And I gave him my rainbow suspenders
Well after about ten mins
We decided that it was about time that D buy me that slurpie he promised me
It was then I realized that I had no clue where a 7/11 was
So in a desperate attempt to find a knock off slurpie we went to
Shell... with no luck
Then ampm, here we did find knockoffs but only in blue and red, and the slurpie HAD to be green
So... we went to Wal-Mart, to steal a few drops of food coloring...
We parked by a sock, in the FARTHEST parking space... so we could be "outsiders"
Before we got out we listened to some Blondie
Then walked ALLLLL the way to the store (a bazillion miles)
Getting in we went to look at clothes... not being able to find the Blondie shirt we had to ask for assistance
Then we couldn’t find the food coloring...
After asking about 3 people it turned out to be in the first place we looked
Realizing there was no way to get a few drops free
We spent $1.47 on the food coloring
It was then that I realized I had drunk most of it...
well we turned it green and walked alllll the way out to the car again
on the way home we decided to go try and find the kitten Daniel saw when he was lost
so pulling up 3 kittens ran in odd directions and we spent a good 10 min trying to get them out of hiding..
giving up we left...
on the way back to my house again we noticed one of those HUGE round plastic cones was knocked over...
looking at Daniel I said "lets steal it"
so he stops the car in the middle of the road and we get out to get it
then a car comes so we get back in then turn around and pull over..
then all quick and ninja like we run across the street grab the cone
FORCE it into D's car and speed off..
on the way to my house AGAIN we decided next weekend him and I are going on a scavenger hunt... and stealing random things all over Seattle..
involving ski masks, gloves, goggles, hammers, and a screwdriver.
so I get home at 5 till one
and I have one thing to say
watch out... Seattle
Here we come!

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October 22nd, 2005

09:28 pm
i feel sick,
she slit her wrists
ive been puking on and off since i found out

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09:05 pm
Lilys not here for the weekend
and whens shes gone
its when i realize
I dont really have any friends

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08:59 pm
theres this sinking feeling inside me
like theres something wrong and i dont know what
this is most likely depression
Dianna killed herself yesterday
i screamed and i cried when i found out
im trying to find someone to hold me up right now
cause once again
im falling to bits
i didnt pay attention and someones gone
im looking out into myself today
and im sincerely wondering
is she better off?

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October 21st, 2005

02:08 pm
peanut butter cookies and bologna together taste like oranges

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02:49 am - happy for one second
Its 12:32 and were making cookies… we have no granulated sugar so were going without. Stirring is a challenge since there was no real order in which the ingredients when into the big red bowl. The peanut butter takes on this rigid gluish texture when it twisted in with the eggs and brown sugar, hiding under it is all the flower that needs to be forced into the concoction. The vanilla smell seeps into my hands, which happen to be covered in the soon to be cookie dough. She takes the bowl from me saying it’s her turn to mix. Sitting in the one of our out of fashion, floral printed, oh so comfy chairs, she attacks the mushy yet nummy cookie dough with a force only known to a cookie maker. I can’t help but realize why I love this mildly delusional girl as she sits and talks to my orange tabby, mixing away. Dough ready, she has an oh so adorable pep talk with her lower half urging her apparently non-responsive legs to stand. Her hard fought battle is won and odd grunting sounds can be heard coming from the kitchen. It is only now when I am sitting in the one of our out of fashion, floral printed, oh so comfy chairs, in front of the computer screen that I begin to wonder if letting her in there unsupervised is the brightest idea on my part. I know that I should have no worries letting a 19 year old girl make cookies on her own, but a fiery pizza still burns brightly in my mind from her last cooking experience. I hear yet another grunt along with the sound of scraping metal. I resist the urge to get up as I the clank of the closing oven echo’s out of the kitchen. Time passes I still sit here listening to the random clank, giggle, or command to an inanimate object. Smiling I listen to her talk to my kitchen, she’s conversing with the drawers searching for a spatula, I believe she found a pie cutter and has passed it off in her mind as one. My cats are yowling out the window making me jump and scream, she comes out waving a pie cutter screaming about something, I laugh at her weapon of choice. I fallow her into her workshop, she feeds me a nearly cooked cookie, goo like and hot, I burn my tongue. A new batch goes in, she sits down in her chair and I in mine, she lights up a cigarette. Were giggling about something, and she makes a comment about me writing everything she does, she’s smiling and joking but she’s tired I can see it. She blows the smoke out the window, and ficks her ash. The cats are going wild, and she goes to get the next batch started profanities mixed with dooms, non-words ending in ness, and deaths, are flying like crazy from her mouth. She comes out and feeds me a cookie, its much better then the last. Soda in hand, my little elf slaving away in the kitchen, I’ve never had a better midnight snack.

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